my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
