i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
