I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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