he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
