Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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