We're facebook friends in real life
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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