I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
