Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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