Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
