he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
