I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
