I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
