Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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