get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
