Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
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I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
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Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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