Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
