Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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