I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
