Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
