I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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