My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
