you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
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Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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