im having a threesome with these popsicles
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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