I want you more than these girls want KFC
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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