Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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