I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
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I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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