I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
