o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
