I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
