woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
false alarm, still single
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
