So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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