i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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