she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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