Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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