she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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