i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize