Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My nipple is on Facebook.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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