I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
