when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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