I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
