omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
