i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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