You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
How's work?
Spinning.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
