Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
