Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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