We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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