I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
