He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
