I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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