We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
