: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
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It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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