you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
