My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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