I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
