i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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