Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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