I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
