Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
