There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
