My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
