what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
