I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
