and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
