I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
